In 'matching', you subtly adopt certain (non-)verbal cues from the other person. 'Mismatching' is just the opposite; you do something different from your interlocutor. It is important to know that matching is not the same as copying. It is about subtle adjustments, not an exact copy of the other person. Mirroring the wrong things can lead to misunderstanding. The other person may then feel ridiculed. So choose carefully what you are going to match.

LOGIT

The LOGIT model provides a convenient structure for using different channels for matching and mismatching. Here are the components:

• Body position

  The way you stand or sit can say a lot about your posture and emotions. By adjusting your body posture, you can match with the other person more easily.

• Eye movements

  These indicate which sensory representation system a person uses: visual, auditory or kinaesthetic. By paying attention to eye movements, you can better tune in to the other person.

• Signs

  This involves expression at both macro and micro levels. A hand gesture or a subtle movement of the eyebrows can already give a lot of information.

• Intonation

  This involves voice volume, speaking rhythm, intonation, pauses and so on. The way you say something can be as important as what you say.

• Language patterns

  The words you choose and how you structure sentences can also contribute to whether or not you match with your interlocutor.

Congruence

You can also match or mismatch with yourself. If you are congruent in your behaviour and language, you match with yourself. The picture is right, what you think, feel and do matches. Mismatching with yourself happens when your feelings don't match your behaviour. For example, you are furious, but you act as if nothing is wrong.